Back To Utah

Since June I feel like I have been living out of a suitcase!  It has been a busy year.  On October 9th my mom called to let me know that my Grandpa Cowan, age 94 had passed away.  This news was really sad for me, despite the fact that he lived a long, full life and would now be reunited with my grandma who passed away about 11 years ago. He was my last remaining grandparent, and one of the most influential people in my life.  I know that a big reason I turned out alright was his influence in my life.  He loved me unconditionally and always let me know I was of great worth.  The characteristic I most want to emulate is his constant patience. I was so grateful to get to go home for the funeral.  I cannot imagine not having this closure.  So Hayden and I booked tickets home.  Paul already had a ticket to go back for his brothers wedding, so we were able to change the ticket date and he was able to attend the funeral with us.  

We flew in on Tuesday the 16th and spent the first day in Salt Lake with my family.  It had been several months since I saw Owen and it was so fun to see him walking!

Hayden had so much fun with Owen in the bath tub.  He was a little nervous of her at first but ended up having a great time together.

The next morning we made the drive to Cedar City where the viewing was going to be held that evening.  We stopped off in Beaver at the Cheese Factory to get some "squeaky cheese" as we always called it.  This was always a fond memory for me.  Either we'd stop on our way to see Grandma and Grandpa or they'd stop and bring us some on their visits up North.  

We also got to stop off at Cafe Rio for some lunch.  A must when we go back to Utah!

The viewing was that night and all the cousins gathered together and spent time while hundreds of people came to pay their respects to my grandfather.  Viewings are always hard for me.  I have a hard time looking at the body or in this case my grandfather without getting really emotional.  I'm glad I got to see him one last time, but it was rough.  Hayden wanted to see him over and over again, so that was a little difficult for me.  

That night all my aunts, uncles, and cousins, came over for pizza and we talked about grandpa and all our memories.  Hayden put on a real show that night and was leading all the adults in musical numbers.  After finishing one song, she enthusiastically clapped and said, "Yay!!!  Good job kids!"  Everyone laughed so hard at this comment which made her even more excited.  But it did poop her and Michelle out by the end.  

The next morning was the funeral.  Each of my aunts and uncle spoke along with my mom about their memories of my Grandpa.  Even as I write this I am filled with emotion and can't help but cry.  His service was wonderful and it was so good to hear all the old stories again and to reflect on all of my grandpa's best qualities.  It made me reflect on what is most important in life and helped me regain some lost goals.  

After the graveside memorial we went back to Grandpa's house for a new cousins photo.  We took one years ago and have been wanting an updated one ever since.

How awesome is that!  It was also great to see Hayden playing in the backyard that holds such fond memories for me.  She loved it and my cousins caught some great images of her.

Hayden sure loves all her uncles.  She has 9 uncles and knows them all by name.  But I think Marcus holds a special place in her heart because he is always so willing to play with her!

That night the whole family went out to Applebee's which was my grandpa's favorite place to eat.  But we had to get back for the wedding, so my dad was nice enough to drive us up to Salt Lake where Paul's dad and brother Kyle met us and took us the rest of the way to Tooele. That morning we woke up and drove to Logan for pictures and all the wedding festivities.  

Wally (Kyle) & Morgan with their nieces and nephews:

 My sister-in-laws with our children:

 Coming out of the Logan Temple

 It was a long day, but we were so happy to be able to be apart of their wedding.  I'm excited to get to know my new sister-in-law Morgan.  

The next morning we hung out in Tooele and Hayden have fun on the 4-wheeler.  We had to take Paul to the airport that afternoon and then I headed back to Salt Lake to spend the rest of the weekend with my family.

 Saturday Hayden and I basically recovered by taking a long nap!  Since Tuesday we had flown from Atlanta to Salt Lake, drove to Cedar City, then drove to Salt Lake, next Tooele, then Logan, back to Tooele, and finally Salt Lake!  I was so exhausted!  Sunday we went over to Wheeler Farm and looked at all the animals, Monday we went to the Children's Museum, and Tuesday my mom took us out to IHOP.  My mom does a great job of making our visits special.  My  mom and I also watched the first 5 episodes of Downton Abbey Season 3 :)  Shannon and Marcus were also awesome and stayed through the weekend.  They are always so good about making time for us when we come to visit.

Hayden loves her Uncle Ian, if she doesn't know where he is, she is yelling his name and saying, "where are you?"

Tuesday afternoon I headed out to Tooele to spend some time with Anne and my sister-in-laws and Hayden's cousins.  Tuesday we made Halloween sugar cookies and went to Pizza Hut (Hayden's pick).  Wednesday we woke up to this: 

I was so shocked.  Hayden looked out her window and said, "look, dream snow!  It's beautiful."  She calls it that because of a book she loves to read.  Too cute.  We met up with her cousins who got to do a tour of Cold Stone for preschool, they even got a free scoop of ice cream!  Hayden played with her cousins all day Wednesday and had such a blast.  She didn't even want to stop to eat, she'd say, "momma, I'm playin'!"

Thursday Hayden decided to venture out into the snow, it will be her only outing in the snow for the year I suspect.  We then met my sister-in-law Emily at a playgroup in a gymnastics center to play.  

That afternoon we headed out to Mapleton (near Provo) to see my sister-in-law Darice's new house.  Paul's brother Trent just got the assistant coaching job at BYU and their new house is beautiful!  I was lame and didn't take any pictures.  But Hayden had a fun time playing with her older cousins dolls and girly stuff.  She also played with Brooks's cars after awhile.  

The next morning it was time for us to leave.  Anne put together a cute Halloween bag which kept Hayden entertained for hours on our airplane ride.  Thanks Anne!  

We had such a great time in Utah, despite all the travel!  It was lots of extreme emotions from my grandpa's funeral, to a wedding, to being surrounded by loving family.  Sometimes it just makes me sick to think Hayden doesn't live closer to all her cousins and aunts and uncles.  She loves them all so much. 

Decorating

We've almost been here in Atlanta for 2 years, how crazy is that!  I guess it's about time that I finally decorated Hayden's room.  It has been such a process:  finding her big girl furniture, bedding, transitioning out of a crib, painting her room, and now deciding what I wanted on the perfectly painted walls.  Here's what I've come up with.

I am liking the way everything is turning out.  The most important part is that Hayden really seems to like it!
I still want to put a picture of Hayden in the empty frame and I am debating whether or not to put up little pictures with clothes line pins in the oval frame with the chicken wire.  Anyway, I'm proud of my accomplishment thus far!

Tea Party & The Dentist

One of Hayden's friends from church had a tea party and Hayden was invited to attend.  Hannah's mother, Katie, mailed out the cutest little tea pot invitation and Hayden carried it around with her for days.  Everyday she'd ask if it was time for the tea party.  On the actual day (yesterday) she woke up so excited.  We first headed to dance class and then after she got to attend the tea party.  I didn't get to stay and watch the fun, but Katie sent me some pictures.  Katie promised her daughter Hannah that if she potty trained she would have a party for her and it worked!  Here is what Katie wrote me along with the pictures she sent:

"Thank you for letting Hayden come to the party.  She was hilarious...cracking jokes and saying her jibberish every once in a while in the middle of a sentence.  Everyone was laughing at the things she was saying."

This describes one of my favorite parts of Hayden!  On days like today I have to remember this about her and remind myself of her good characteristics.  Hayden wouldn't keep her cute hat on like everyone else, but I think her little ponytail from dance had something to do with that.

  Hayden with her friend Hannah

She had so much fun and didn't want to leave!  Katie let each of the girls take come a tea cup and saucer filled with fun little treats and Hayden has carried it around the last two days, sipping her "tea" or I should say water :)

Today was probably one of the worst mom days of my life.  We have been talking about going to the dentist because one of her favorite books talks about going to the dentist.  So after I read it to her the first time I told her she was going to see the dentist soon and she was really upset by it.  So every once in awhile we'd talk about it and I'd tell her all the fun things she was going to do at the dentist (ie new toothbrush, sticker, prize...)  I thought my strategy had worked.  Today she woke up asking when we were leaving for the dentist office and was so excited about going.  The second she saw the doors to the office she bolted back towards the car!  I have never seen her do that, ever.  I dragged her in and she was kicking and screaming.  I finally calmed her down in the waiting room and she was playing with the toys when they called her name.  At 3 she is suppose to go back by herself and get her teeth cleaned, but it was clear this wasn't happening.  She was kicking, hitting, screaming at the top of her lungs, and begging to go back to the car.  It was awful.  I started tearing up by the time we got back to the chair.  It was so humiliating.  I felt like such a terrible mother.   Here my child is carrying on and screaming and yelling at the dentist and his staff.  I got some awesome looks!  I kept telling myself, this is a pediatric dentist office, I'm sure they've seen it all, but no doubt today, Hayden topped their list!  Through my own tears, I ended up holding Hayden on my lap and straddling her legs with my legs and holding her arms down.  She even managed to get out of this at one point and fell to the floor.  It finally occurred to me to tell her that she wasn't getting a shot and then she calmed down a lot.  She sat on my lap and said over and over, "no shot today?" and let the dentist look in her mouth.  No teeth cleaning done today, just a quick exam.  We got back to the car, I had a good cry and I've been trying to move on with my day.   Why are moments like this so defeating?  I can't help but feel her behavior is a reflection of me and my mothering skills.  I know that's not totally true, but man, it was an awful experience.  I already told Paul he is up next, I am clearly not stable enough to maintain composure in a situation like that!